yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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