Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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