She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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