Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
