She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
