Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
