Where did you get a picture of my penis
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
