Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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