I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
