Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
