i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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