What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
