Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Vodka?
Forever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
