Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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