Plan B is the new Plan A
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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