we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
