Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
