Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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