Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
