Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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