my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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