why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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