I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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