So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
