i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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