I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
