Nicole vs. Life
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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