He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
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just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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