Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize