I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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