I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
