is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
