Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
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Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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