420 ftw
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
