haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
