oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
