and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
