I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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