does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
