wanna go halves on a baby?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
