help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
