why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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