Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
