I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
