I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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