Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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