I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
