Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Michael Bay diarrhea
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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