and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
