I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
