Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
