I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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