I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize