Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
