Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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