Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
