It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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