I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
