how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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