im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
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I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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