so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
