Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
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you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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