i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
