So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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